This isn't coming from anywhere in particular...well, sort of, but don't read anything into this.
When someone has let you down more than once yet continues to make promises...where do you draw the line? And where do you find the balance between forgiveness and self-protection? Or do you continue putting yourself out there...and not just with that person but with other people as well (as we all know that feelings from one relationship filter into others). Being disappointed by one person may affect how you react to a hurt or disappointment inflicted by another person.
One of my profs was talking to us about children and forgiveness a couple of weeks ago. In his elementary classroom he teaches his students that when someone hurts you and then apologizes, not to say "That's okay"...because it isn't okay for them to hurt you and saying that's okay implies that it is. Rather, he teaches them that when someone apologizes we should reply "Thank you for apologizing" or "I accept your apology."
I guess one strategy would be to stop expecting anything out of that person or people in general. Then you won't be disappointed, right? But that seems unfair to people to expect so little of them. I know that actions speak louder that words but then what about forgiveness?
The other strategy is to forgive and forget...I feel like I've done a lot of that in the past and sometimes it just sucks because realistically, it's impossible to forget, right? Because when someone lets you down, that familiar feeling of disappointment creeps back in...
So where does one set one's standards? You don't want to set your standards too high or no one will be able to live up to them....on the other hand, you don't want to be someone that everyone will just walk all over.
Just some thoughts...
3 comments:
God commands us to forgive, not forget. Something I've had to realize recently myself.
I think everyone goes through a period like this once in a while. I believe in forgiveness, but if it happens again and again I also tend to realize that it means that the person doesn't value me as a friend, so I tend to sever the relationship.
Hey. You're a future teacher? How do you go about teaching the future?
I always have taught my kids to say, "I forgive you". "It's ok" is dumb because it is not ok. Forgivness doesn't mean forgetting or for that matter, even being alright with another person's actions. I personally don't believe that you need to keep having positve expectaions of this person. Do you sever relationship, not usually...but I have learned whom can be depended on and whom I just enjoy for their addition to my life. And hey-maybe they'll change their behavior and want to make it up to you one day.
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